Help in Case of Accidents

11

Prior to unionization, Bronson made several halfhearted attempts to mollify tradesmen, who seemed to sour on the product line in favor of cheaper alternatives that were banged out with union labor.

Here we have an excerpt from an ill-fated line of railroad time-books Bronson had contract published by Condom House in an attempt to win back railmen. (Courtesy of the Bronson Archive.)

Tested & Approved

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Bronson is proud to have earned Good Hosekeeping Magazine’s Seal of Approval way back in 1902. Thank you John Hosekeeping! We’ll keep working to make you proud.

Formal Classroom Training

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Formal classroom training in approved Bronson engineering, repair, installation, and service techniques is available at any of our nationwide network of BVT Technical Schools. Check local listings for course schedules and register today. You could become a Certified Bronson Vagineer!

A Holiday Postcard

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A Bronson holiday postcard c. 1881. Most of these were purchased and destroyed by the Women’s Coital Forbearance League, making it extremely rare. (Courtesy of the Bronson Archive.)

Status Update

Plenty of our customers ask if we ever intend to introduce a line of masculine retrogenital surrogates. At Bronson, we’re always looking toward the future.

However, management has concluded that masculine retrogenitals is a commodity market, where manufacturers pop up and then vanish once they’re spent. We gratefully ceded that territory to foreign imports in the 1970’s, leaving Chang’s Wangs with a firm grip they have yet to release. Be warned, however — when considering masculine surrogation, always consult with your nearest Bronson dealer to insure the model you choose, from the latest Chang’s Wang to a pre-owned, Eastern-European Vostok Pocket-Rocket, is compatible with your Bronson. If you don’t, the results can get messy.

A Rare Fragment

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A rare fragment of an early Vagina License. The newly appointed Commissioner of Internal Revenue, George S. Boutwell, was tasked by President Lincoln to regulate and severely tax women’s vaginas — and he plunged in with both feet. Interestingly, government regulation of vaginas would prove to be the only platform policy the Grand Old Party has supported without interruption since 1863.